Friday: Hurricane humor 1

Ask anyone. If you want to survive a hurricane you must have the four F's: faith, family, friends, and a funnybone.

• This is my house. I borrowed the sign and have been taking photos of my neighbor's houses, which they will get framed as Christmas presents. And, yes, I will crop out my nose or finger.

Here is some humor sent to me about the hurricane which I have modified slightly.

YOU KNOW YOU LIVE ON THE GULF COAST WHEN ...

• You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer.
• You have more than 300 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.
• Your pantry contains more than 20 cans each of Spaghetti Os, tuna fish, and spam.
• You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.
• When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe hallway.
• Your SSN isn't a secret, it's written in Sharpie on your arms.
• You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.
• You are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of regular unleaded.
• The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.
• You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.
• You own more than three large coolers.
• You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking "It'll only take a gallon of gas to get there and back."
• You have 2-liter coke bottles and milk jugs filled with water in your freezer.
• Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.
• You catch a 13-pound redfish in your driveway.
• You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.
• You consider a "vacation" going to fun filled D'Lo, Mississippi.
• At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.
• You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.
• There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.
• You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work for the Weather Channel.
• Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof, your boat, your dog, your grand piano, or your freezer.
• Ice is a valid topic of conversation.
• Your "drive-thru" meal consists of MRE's and bottled water.
• Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
• You spend more time on your roof than in your living room.
• You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or a tree worker.
• A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.
• You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
• Your child's first words are "hunker down" and "don't touch that."
• Having a large tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
• Toilet Paper is elevated to "coin of the realm" at the shelters.
• You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the "bad side."
• Your kids start school in August and finish in July.
• You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.
• and some I have just added...
• You see your uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers and sisters everyday ...because they are sleeping in your living room.
• Sunday sermons are interrupted by the minister wildly talking about different ways that God could smite FEMA... and after a moments silence, the congregation breaks out in applause.
• Your wife gets mad at you because you didn't immediately jump on that vacancy at the run-down 1 bed room apartment near the sewage treatment plant.
• If you play golf, you walk and take three clubs and a machete.
• Everyone goes silent when the phone rings because it could be your insurance adjuster.

Add your own.

Tom